Trurth ,You People CAN'T Handel the TRUTH‏

I had a whole lot to write about...but NoW it's blocked out by my Emotional over ride...I hate that ..I have had it all my life. And since my life had remained the same hellish x-si-tence ( damn even my spelling goes..n it's not that I AM STOOPID..I just get BLOCKED) Thanks to m@ther F#kers that get off abusing people.
If I told about my life no one would believe me..Alotta people chose not to believe the unimaginable abuse that goes on cuz their scare of THE TRUTH..and DON"T wanna UNDERSTAND what I have had to and still live with everyday and what I get back more abuse...I get the Isolate the freak treatment. I lose friends if they find out...Mainly cuz they can;t handel it or they think I might be a buren to them down the road... TRUTH IS..... I HAVE NEVER BEEN OR WILL EVER BE A BURDEN.. And it's not like I go around talking about it.. I open up abit when I think it's ok and safe to...THEN get a smack that is not ok to.But it's ok for you asshole out there to just say it's all in my head..or I am just fucked in the head...I have NEVER viewed anyone that way EVER..
I get acuzes of lie-ing, or lookin for attention...or looking for an excuse to get by in life,...like I want life to be handed to just becuz I went through hell.... TRUTH IS I AM NOT LOOKING FOR LIFE TO HAND ME ANYTHING...I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW MY HELL....I DON'T HAVE EXCUSES...I HAVE REASONS ...AND THERE ARE TOO MANY TIMES I STILL FEEL ASHAMED...EMBARASSED.HATE MYSELF CUZ I CAN'T MOVE ON QUICK ENUFF..
I was born in to a world of violence that was covered up by lies. My first real love realiships where lies. my friendships untrue, my neirbors are blind , cops lie and like to abuse, landlords break your basic right to pricy, NOTHING WAS TRUE...I WAS ...I WAS... I WAS...and it hurts like hell that I always have to go through this shit with assholes again and again...Lie after lie, mind fu@k after mind fu@k..and my basic human rights to a safe,pricy allowed home is broken...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...AND THE TRUTH IS I AM STILL THE SAME TRUE PERSON I ALWAYS WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE...AND YOU CAN FUCKING HATE ME FOR IT...CUZ TRUTH IS YOUR A LIAR THAT CAN'T CHANGE...
You have to belittle me, and mock me, lie about, stretch abit of truth with alotta lies CUZ you DON"T like me OR understand me...I have one question to ask...how can you judge something or someone YOU DON"T KNOW YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND ( or don't understand what they went through or going through) You are so quick to judge and open your lie-ing mouth ..DO YOU FEEL BETTER KNOWING YOUR ADDING TO MY SUFFERING...DO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE CONTROL IN YOUR LIFE NOW cuz you think you have controlled mine ?
I HAVE TREATED YOU FAIRLY AND WITH RESPECT and I TRY sooooooo hard not to hate YOU yeah YOU...and just the shit ya do ..I hate your shit..your good of making others believe it to...CUZ TRUTH IS NO ONE HAS THEIR OWN MIND ....Just a bunch of follow 'em around and lick up their crumbs... I UNDERSTAND YOU AND YOU MAKE ME SICK ...lol...CUZ IF anyone should be a selfish bully that loves to lie cuz of what ever fucked up reason IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME...TRUTH IS I RATHER NOT LIVE ON THIS EARTH IF I TURNED INTO THAT...IF I TURNED IN TO YOU~!
DEAL WITH YOU ...cuz soon YOU will get back what you put out...through away, bully, despise, and lie about ....
I KNOW I am misunderstood...and it's eazyer for people to treat me like shit and a joke...
It's been like that all my life and I will always get that treatment...BUT yOUR NOT GONNA TAKE ME INTO YOUR TWIST where I LOSE MYSELF... I don't care what I have to sacrifice in order to remain who I am... I am NOT scarifying ME.. I rather remain poor, exhausted and alone with the loved ones I have left then be YOU~! Or let you win ~!