Friday, September 24, 2010

How I Feel ~

I am my Inner Child....Hurting,Fusturated,Angery, ALONE, Misunderstood, I feel beatin down, I am Fearful, Broken, and continusly have people f@ckin with me. Circumstances lefted me NO choices on how I can move ahead and finish anything right now...I am stuck, I can't MOVE to a FINISHED Place. So I collected ALL my CREATIVE Ideas and work on them when I can...Just gotta find away to Deal with THAT.. It has left me feeling WORTHLESS, It has Left others Judeinging me and sayin am just a loser,n should give up cuz I am have done nothing sussceful in what I love... makes me feel like I am NOTHING till I acomplish SOMETHING ANYTHING~Makes me FEEL Alive when I do...DOesn't give anyone the right to take from me without askin,(IT 'S ALL I HAVE) or Sh!t on me becuz I am stuck.. I just wanna Create whatever starts Stirring up from My Soul~ I don't give a Shit if it takes the rest of my LIFE~ I don't care what people wanna say or do to me or walk away from me..Yeah IT HURTS BUT I ' ll GET OVER IT~ It's MINE, MY Creative Time Focus, LIFE~

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I don't wanna stay or feel Isolated‏

I don't wanna stay or feel Isolated....Family, friends,community, chewed me up and spat me out to spin alone in a Hellish world that did and don't give a fuck....And wants me To stay outta site ~n~ outta mind~ Don't dare speak~ Don't Dare Dream~ Don't Dare Create or else your gonna be another target somewhere else and others will shoot ya down , shut your dreams down ... Till you Shut Yourself down ~!
I have been sitting here at my Asylum ( that's what I call my apartment) as the Roaches climb all over my equipment ~n~ art supplies that are in bags, ~n~ climb all over me And while the Spiders lurk in corners ~n~ stream down a thread of web to say hello (fuckin scary for me)... I read alot about how people have been mistreated. I have been treat that way too. Yeah, I talk alot about Karen and Now T.P.R. But is a Community I can escape to, ~n~ be myself without Judgement. ~n~ I met like~minded Souls who have showin me Love ~n~ Support. That I haven't experienced in sometime since my friends who truly loved me past away. I have been viewing my War~torn Enemies like Roaches ~n~ my new Friends like Spiders. My Enemies always love to crawl all over me.... drivin me insane, ~n~ when the lights get turned on they hide in cracks, and acted as if nothing happened and it's all just in my head~ Then the lights turn off ~n~ they come back full force, crawlin' ~n~ crappin on all my Passions ~n~ Crawlin on my Skin...tryin to drive me crazy once more.
My New Friends are the Spiders.... I like them. love them ~n~ Fear them. Becuz I have been conditioned to Fear the Knowable, Beautiful, Supportive, Lovin Souls That Spin~Out Positive Messages. I can't help but FEAR that I might be laughed at, fucked with, cuz I always got that...BUT it has not happened here. I THANK whatever made me wanna clik on the Stever photo. I love the Idea of Community that is Open~To All~ Supportive, Caring, Inspiring, I love the Vision of T.P.R ,, I LOVE THE PlayGround Project. These are things I always viewed the same way ~n~ always held in my Heart~ ~n~ Search for~! I am alone in my War when I am at my Asylum, BUT I am NOT alone when I am hang on the PlayGround. I gotta lot of Healin ~n~ Growth to do. Glad that's there a Community of Souls who Embrace ME for ME ~n~ I can be Creative ~n~ Feel Alive~! LOVE TO YOU ALL ~!