EVERYDAY I FIGHT my Insainitys, EVERYDAY I am...........

EVERYDAY I FIGHT my Insainitys, EVERYDAY I am hated, betrayed , f@cked with..EVERY MOMENT is robbed by negativity from others, EVERYDAY I live in FEAR that I will lose my MIND~EVERYDAY the hateful people that surround me make me feel so low,so dark, that I don't wanna fight that urge anymore to not exist ~ EVERYDAY I FIGHT to hold on to whatever Love comes my way, ~n~ I try to believe things will get better.. IT HAS gotten to the point where it's a TRY to BELIEVE...instead of FEELING things will be better ~n~LOVE shown is REAL....NO LIP~ SERVICE PLEAZE, COMPASSION IS AN ACTION~

sept 21-2011

Watchin the Candle's Flame flickering....Just Dancing ~n~ Dancing.
Telling the Tell~All~Tail of what is Hidden Inside.

Watchin the Bugs Crawling across the walls...
Parading the Storys of all that is Hidden Inside.

Exhaustion State's, Overwhelms the Moving Pictures Seen...
~n~Still~Frame the Dreams.

Behind the Eye~Lids shutting, Sacred Viewing ....
Soothes the Child
to fall asleep.

Tap~Dancing Candle ~Flame~Flickers, Scurrying~Bugs....
Sound~ Trax the Transition into Eaze~

Soda Soule 2011~

~The Easiest thing for me to Do

~The Easiest thing for me to Do Is Believe, I'll Never Be, Never Have, Never Achieve. The Hardest thing for me To Do is to Remain Breathing to the Rhythms that Moves me, while the world that surrounds me Facades,~n~Dances in Triumphs of This Deviation~Soda Soule 2011

"MY HEAD HUNG LOW" (Soda Soule~ AUG 22 MIDNIGHT)

by Soda Soule on Monday, August 22, 2011 at 2:29am
I WALKED UPON THE MIRROR,
SO I COULD VIEW THE SKY ABOVE,
~N~ FALL INTO ITS REFLECTIONS CAPTURED ,
TO EAZE MY STATE OF MIND,
FREE~FALLN CONTINUASLLY INTO AN ALTERED STATE OF WONDERS
~N~ COMFORT BY LETTING GO OF MY FEARS OF LANDING ON THE UNSTABLE GROUND,
THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL THE EARTH BENEATH MY FEET,
TIME HAS NO HOLD OR REIN FOR THIS MOMENT,
TRAPPED BEYOND ITS REACH,
NO URGE TO DEFINE LOGIC, SEEK THE REASONING, OR STRUGGLING WITH THE EMOTIONS,
JUST FLOAT ADRIFT,
AS IF I WAS FIRST BORN INTO THE FIRST FEELING OF SENSATIONS, ~N~ FIRST REACTIONS OF LESSON LEARNED, LESSON LOST,
GROWTH IN THE STATE OF INNOCENCE, UNTOUCHED BY HIDDEN FORCES OUT TO DO HARM,
NO NEED FOR DECONSTRUCTION,
JUST RECONSTRUCTION FROM THE IMAGINATION MUZE, DEFUSING THE STATE OF NUMB~N~WORTHLESSNESS,
ALL IS BROUGHT TO A PEACE,
~N~ CENTERED ON THE BALANCING ACTS,
AS GRAVITY PLAYS A TRICKSTER ROLE,
A NON~ SINISTER PART... EVERYTHING GOIN UP,
DOES NOT HAVE TO COME DOWN....
THERE IS NO "RELIABLE~COST",
NO SUDDEN REGRET TO TAKE THIS MOMENT,
NO PANIC TO ESCAPE THE RUSH FROM THE JOURNEY, INTO THE UNKNOWN,
NO PANIC TO RETURN BACK TO THE OLD FAMILIAR EVER KNOWN,
JUST EMBRACING THE CONNECTION TO AN OPEN DOOR,
NO WINDOWS SHUT,
JUST FLOATING INTO FREE~ FALLING,
HEAD HUNG LOW NO MORE~ (Soda Soule)

FB Friend wanted me to list about 35 things about me....here it is~

1. I BREATHE IN MUSIC~
2. I BREATHE IN ART~
3. I BREATHE IN ANY THING CREATIVE~
4. I BREATHE IN NATURE ~
5. WITHOUT MUSIC, I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO COPE WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD~
6. WITHOUT THE MUSIC I COMPOZE IN MY MIND, MY HEART WOULD STOP BEATIN, MY SOUL WOULD DIE~
7. WITHOUT ART FROM OTHERS THAT ARE HUMAN, MY VIEW OF THE WORLD WOULD BE BLINDED BY THEIR VOID OF EXPRESSION ~N~ I WOULD ONLY SEE THEIR SELFISH NAKED UGLYNESS~. I'D SHUT MY EYES TOWARDS HUMANS ~N~ ONLY OPEN MY EYES TO MOTHER NATURE'S ART~N~ CREATURE ARTISTS~
8. WITHOUT CREATING IN ANY FORM OF ART MY SOUL WOULD TURN BLACK~N~BITTER~
9. WITHOUT DANCE, WOULD LOSE MY PLAYFUL SPIRIT~
10. WITHOUT THE FORM OF CHARACTER ACTING, MY INNER CHILD WOULD HAVE NO GROWTH,NO FREEDOM~N~ I WOULD NEVER HEAL~
11. WITHOUT WRITING, MY TRUTH WOULD BE HIDDEN~
12. WITHOUT WRITING, MY CHARACTERS WOULD NEVER BE BORN~N~ MY IMAGINATION WOULD DISAPPEAR.~N` I WOULD BE LOST INSIDE MYSELF, SLOWLY DIEING FROM THE INSANITY ~N~ PRAYING FOR A QUICKER DEATH~
13. NATURE HAS BEEN MY FIRST MUZE~N~ CON'DS TO BE~
14. NATURE HAS BEEN MY GUARDIAN,FAMILY~N~FRIEND~
15. THE ELEMENTS OF NATURE MOVE MY SOUL,ENERGIZES MY EMOTIONS, COMFORTS MY SUFFERING, SHIELDS MY FEARS, PROTECTS MY VULNERABILITIES, FUELS MY CREATIVE FLOW~
16. WITHOUT NATURE, I WOULD NOT WANNA EXIST~
17. MY BLOOD~FAMILY WAS ABUSIVE, SO I DON'T HAVE BLOOD~FAMILY BONDS OR TIES~N~ NEVER WILL~
18. MY DAD' ABUSE'S FELT LIKE IT CAME FROM THE BOWELS OF HELL~
19. OTHERS HAVE DONE THE SAME KINDS OF ABUSE TO ME THROUGHOUT MY LIFE~
20. EVERYONE WHO HAS TRULY LOVED ME IS IN HEAVEN NOW~
21. I HAVE FRIENDS,~N~ KNOW PEOPLE.THERE OUT IN THE DISTANCE, BUT I LIKE,LOVE,CARE ABOUT THEM ~N~ APPRECIATE EACH ONE OF THEM~
22. MY CRITTERS ARE MY FAMILY, WILD CRITTERS ARE MY WILD FAMILY~
23. I TAKE CARE OF NATURE EVERYDAY/NIGHT~N~ NEED TIME IN NATURE EVERYDAY/NIGHT
24. I HAVE TO CREATE SOMETHING, ANYTHING,ONCE A DAY/NIGHT OR I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING INSANE~
25. I WILL LEND A HAND, OR AN EAR TO SOMEONE IN NEED~
26. I HAVE REMAIN CIVIL TOWARDS THOSE WHO HAVE DONE ME WRONG~
27. I KEEP MY HEART OPEN FOR FORGIVENESS, MY MIND OPEN FOR SOLUTIONS ~N~ I STAND FIRM ON NEVER HAVING THOSE WHO HARMED ME IN MY LIFE~
28. ENVY HAS NEVER BEEN APART OF ME. I ONLY WANT WHAT MY SOUL ACHES FOR,~N~ MY HEART PUMPS FOR~N~ NEVER FROM A SELFISH SOURSE WITHIN ~
29. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SELFISH, I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO BE SELFISH IN A HEALTH WAY~
30. I RAIZED MYSELF. I NEVER HAD ROLE MODELS OR HEROS. BUT I HAVE BEEN INSPIRED ~N~ LEARNED FROM NATURE ~N~ A FEW COMPASSIONATE SOULS I CONNECTED TO~
31. I DON'T JUDGE, OR JUST ASSUME ~
32. PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS MISUNDERSTOOD ME, ASSUMED WRONG OF ME~N~ ALWAYS FOUND ME WEIRD,STRANGE,ODD~
33.I AM ALONE, ~N~DON'T MIND IT. THE ODD TIME I DO CRAVE HUMAN AFFECTION OR CONNECTION, BUT MY CRAVING CAN BE CURVED BY A KIND WORD THROUGH THE INTERNET, A SMILE IN PASSING OR PHONE MESSAGE~
34. I ONLY WANT HONEST, COMPASSIONATE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IN MY LIFE~
35. I ALWAYS STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT ~N~PROTECT THE INNOCENT ~N~ THE ONES I LOVE~
36. I BELIEVE IN A CREATOR,I BELIEVE WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE. ~N~ EVERYTHING THAT IS IN THE UNIVERSE SHOULD BE RESPECTED,~N~ ALL LIVIN FORMS OF LIFE HAVE THE RIGHT TO PEACE ~N~ FREEDOM~N~ HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL ~N~ HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS THEMSELFS WITH WHATEVER INNER VOICE SPEAKS THE LOUDEST TO THEM~
37. I WISH I COULD HOLD THE WORLD IN MY HAND FOR ONE NIGHT , SO I COULD HEAL IT ~N~ EMBRACE ITS BEAUTY ALL AT ONCE~

OVERWHELMED ~N~ TRYN NOT TO BE STUCK HERE~

I am ventin out...I need to..even if it makes me seem like a loser...I am NOT stuck on feelin sorry for myself...I am stuck on battlin my fears while past experiences echo in my head.

I was hated ~n~ made fun of by people who didn't know me... N people who DID know me....THEY F@CKED with my head...they played a cruel game...

It messed me up so bad that I can't even listen to other peoples' music.....let alone play my own sound.... I hurt not being able to get past it...I hurt not being able to enjoy it... I feel embarrassed to admit it.... I feel scared to find out where I am at with it..

I can only listen to one song here n there, n then it makes me wanna run from my feelings.....I Battle hard not to feel.......EERRRR..... I am stuck on the in between THE WANT TO ~n~ The can't handle the over~loaded emotions..... I wish I could just find a way to heal it....But it's so damn DARK, HEAVY~N~ALONE in here......

Yeap I can play my sound in my head....but I can NEVER play them out.... N it feels like it'll always be this way..... I hate the way it feels... it feels like hell, n I am slowly dieing while the World laughs at me...

THEY made me feel belittled, a loser, a joke..... while I battle myself confidence.I hate that part of me that can't get past it. BUT I hold on to the BEAUTIFUL ways Music moves me.... but keepin it on the down~low, never to outwardly express it again....

Mother Nature does speak,~n~ Angels do send signs of Reassurance~

After Dipper was settled in I went out for awhile.
I went to the spot where the Beaver was hit by a car.
While layin in the grass, Swallows flew over head.
Rare to see them flyin in the city or within the city limits.
Sea Gulls also flew around ~n~ above me.
Then I noticed the Clouds formed a shape around the clear part of the Sky..
It was the shape of a Bird in Flight ~n~ as The Bird of Flight moved across the Sky, the eyes ~n~beak of the Bird changed into other Bird's eyes ~n~beaks.
It captured my Imagination ~n~ also comforted my mixed emotions. Mother Nature does speak,~n~ Angels do send signs of Reassurance.
I have in the past been alienated. Felt the sting of isolation.Had my Freedoms tooken away or put on hold.
I have felt abandonment from Human Kind.
I never felt this from Nature.
I never felt disconnected from Nature.
If I started feelin a disconnection in the World, Nature has sent me a sign of Reassurance, that I am still apart of the connection.
Even though I am small, I have never felt belittled by Nature.
I have been nurtured ~n~soothed...each part of me.
From my imagination to my creativeness, to just breathin, growin, learnin,connecting, feelin at ease~n~at peace that I do belong n I am making a difference, n my Soul's path is still being walked in the Light.
My emotions where mixed today, along with Dipper's.
It was a combination of my own struggles ~n~then how I felt about Dipper's n how He was feelin about losing His wing.
Dipper AMAZED me today~n~ Inspired me too.
He went from shock, to anger, which I felt along with Him...But He kept He's connection with me open ~n~ we communicated with each other through it.
My heart broke with His. I wanted to cry, I felt angry for Him ~n~ with Him.
His FREEDOM of Flight was grounded....Man I know this one all to well.
Then He looked up at me after the bandages were on, ~n~ He had this look of sudden Confidence .
~n~ tryed standing~n~balancing Himself.
I took Him outside on the grass after His bath to soak up the Sun ~n~dry off.
Each of His moments started with feeling anger, then He'd looked around with Wonder in His eyes at the sights that surrounded Him.
He got Confident ~n~ walked abit, then settled back down in the grass to rest.
I was worried about Him, cuz I know how it felt when my Freedom was on hold.
He seems to be talking it into step~ stages. I hope it con'ds.
I have been "Step~Staging" my own ~n~ I will be Step~Staging with Dipper's.
We're combining our Step~Stages together ~n~ will be exploring Freedom in its rare forms. ~n~ Flyin Free in new ways, still connected to the Flight~n~ shedin of the angry moments of "Doubt of Happyness".
NOT gonna dwell in the loss. Just gonna look at the adventure with an open mind.
It is so ez to get stuck in the anger, the depressive state of loss, the wanting to disconnect~n~ dwell on the hurt cauzed by others that alienate ~n~mock.
Stayin away from the State of Fear...just gonna face the fear of "not accomplishing goals", face the fear of "able to or not" n See the fear fail...
~n~see the ground dissapear, ~n~ the Sky wide~open like arms stretched ~!
Dipper is settled in for the night now on His snake bed.
I'll be settling in soon enuff.
We'll both be dreaming the same~n~focusing on the new Freedom Flight in Session~.

so be it for now~

You mocked me long enuff.
I have been locked~up long enuff.
Music is not my Coffin.
You placed me there~n ~would love to keep me there in the Coffin,
Buried deep under~ground......so be it for now......
Maggots need to feed on the flesh,
the cowardly skin I couldn't shed.
Maggots aren't my only friend down under here.
Beneath the dirt, within the decay I helped you rot what was left.
The Worms can do the rest......
Clean~n~clear it, exspoze my backbone .
The Sematary Tree roots dig deep... in-tangling themselfs in ~n~ around my skeleton.
Webbin~n~weavin throughout my rib cage.
Providing me a place for Air.
When I am ready, I'll breathe it.
For now I'll wait ~n~ take in the lingering smog of self defeat you provided for me , as aparting gift.
It was so thoughtful ~n~ unselfish of you not to brag that it was your doing.
Thank~you for allowing me to lay here alone.
Refreshing this time you didn't wanna have the congrats, the pats on the back for a job well done.
It was a surprize ~n~an amazing one at that~!
Now leave me ALONE with my new friends.
Leave me lay here restless, listenin to my new Muses feedin on what's left of me,
Feeding on the DEATH of me.
Feedin me, Breathing for me~

~~~~

Can you Hear the Sounds of Nature's Soul Song Singing out~
Are you STILL enough to Feel the Emotions Vibrating through the Growing Grass, The Earth Moving beneath you,
The Wind collaborating with The Clouds in The Sky~n~ The Waves of the Lakes ~n~Oceans, Moving the Shapes Of Nature's Symphony, the Back~ Bone Beats of all Livin Souls,
From Winter's Soothing Dorment State to Lu~la~by the Soul to be at Peace, Rest ~n~ Regain Strength, to endure the bitter hardship...heading into Springs's Reform~n~ Rebirth ~
Can you feel the Restless Awakenings from Mother Nature's Children, The Fearlessness while They break away from the Womb~?
Are you apart of Summer's Rebellion against stunted Growth~n~ sudden Death~?
Embracing ~n~ Nurturing into Fall's Slumber, where Angels sing Your Soul to Sleep~?
Is your conscious clear of no harm done, Your Mind Open, Heart Pure ~n~full of Good Intentions, Your Soul Awake ~n~ ready to Sing its Own Song along with the Choir of Nature~?

~~~~!

‎"A silent outward reflection, A path walked alone in the creative flow, Nothing left to self discover, A need for re~ connection with other Beings, Anew in the mist of the Storm ending, The only Hope, Desire, Want, is in the "Waiting~n~ Caution" The only movement forward on the path is the Silent, Unsure to move ahead, but longing to...I have stood in front ~n~within the reflection..Time to move forward, away from the Still Stance Alone~" Soda Soule

We all have Broken Wings that mend

When I was out having my coffee, I was watchin a Sea Gull fly over head, n all I could think about is Dipper, the Sea Gull I rescued, I was wonderin if He'd ever FLY again...

We all have Broken Wings that mend ~n~ get re~broken ~

Sometimes I wonder if mine get broken again, will they mend...How many times does it take to be completely grounded~?....

Nature, humans, all Life has a choice of action.... Love or Hate~...

Free~Will is a Gift that has been turned into a Balancing ~Act, a "Will of the Soul" , a Test to the Character.

So many Souls chose to break wings, n rob others of freedom...... binding themselfs ~ This cycle has never been broken......

In your Balancing~Act, during your Test of Character, What is your Will Of Soul~?

"Road~Kill~"

People have no consideration,
No Respect, Whether they did an action by accident, or a mistake unknowingly or knowingly,
They don't except it...they don't make amends.
What they do to Nature, is what they do to each other.
No consideration, no respect, no appreciation...
They look away ~n~ move on as if nothing ever happend when a Road~Kill happend.
Critters or Humans, it's treated the same.
If people did do something, they have hidden agendas, a selfish motive.
It's always half ~ass, so they can show~boat their actions, show~ boat they care.
Get what they want ~n~ dance the "faw~sawed"
Where's the Compassion,
Where's the Real,
Showin your Human, Showin Compassion,Showin' Respect, Showin' Apersheation, Showin Real, BEING REAL ~

~!?~!

"Did ya look deep in to your Self, Do ya remember what was what ya claim to be a gift in others is what has always been in YOU .~N~ Did ya listen, will ya hear, Simplicity.. it"s Callin ya , that it is eazly understood if ya give into the LISTEN, The Still of Your Soul aching from Innocence, Your Want for Real, Are You Waiting,Death fast quick for those who hold on to the blinding, binding, deafening forces within ~N surrounds like Wolves from Hell. Do ya dare to look, Listen,Feel. N fall into All that was You. On the day it was givin, On the day that You were Born, N If robbed from birth, on the the day you were Reborn.. Or If ya have the chance of Rebirth... Will Ya, Look, Listen,Feel~Love to yas, Soda Soule~

(From "One A Night~) # 14

Ambient blue light aluminates someone else's soaking artwork, floating in my tub.
The butter knife scrapin' into the paints ~n~ onto the blank canvas underneath, becomes my Heart's Sound~Trax,
Wantin everything to be pealed back, scraped off. It wasn't mine.
I don't like the attachments, The energy surging from Dark Hidden Truths with agendas .
Disturbia becomes soothed , as the Soul guides~n~ becomes manipulative, influencing my eyes of sights of wants ~n~ needs.
Influencing to come out into forms shapes ~n~ signs of all hidden wants ~n~ needs envisioned.

The Sound~Trax plays on,
Toyin with the Imperfect Balance, between The Muses of the Moment ~n~ The awaking of the Inner Demons' Lair...
Beckoning the Silent Still ~n~ The Slow Death.
Layered Paint~ Pealed Emotions, Floatin above the clouded water.
The under~layer showin no Mercy.
Exhausted ~n~ Determined to con'd . I want to see under the First Layer Hidden. It has become Mine now.
The Under Layer lifting, First Hidden Layer Disappears.
Why doesn't the Fear~Panic~dizzying Vision of the Naked Blank Canvas Reborn in the Void ~?

I realize I have been Isolated ~n~ Alienated for far too long... all my LIFE.
There's more Canvases to scrape ~n~ The Sound~Trax plays on.
The Soul inside the Void Listens ~n~ Influences the Mind's Eye to form~n~sign into~n~ past the Void, Reassuring The Reborn Blank Canvas~. May 6 2011 Soda Soule~

(From One A Night~ ) #11

Will they con'd to rob me of my moments~?
I sat on the Hill yesterday ~n~ thought of my existence ~n~ wondered if I could remain existing if all my moments where robbed by evil~minded souls, interrupting each ~n~ everyone.

Sit at the hill ~n pounder existing.
My mind combining "The Double Jeopardy Wheel of Thoughts."
While my ears funnel in the sounds of chattering voices.
Nature soothes, while hidden, out of sight Humans detain the moment.
My eyes stare out towards the hidden human beings, towards the void.
The "Double Jeopard Wheel of Thoughts" spins out of control,
as I struggle to regain my Peace of Mind,
as I try to embrace the quiet within,
as I curve ~n~ drift my thoughts to cycle n enclose the wheel of negativity~N~ stop the spin .
But I start to suffocate ~n~ the more I try to breathe the more my breath leaves me.

Chattering voices induce the turmoil, awaking the past, combining the present.
I want to scream " Shut the fuck up~ Leave me alone"
I did in the past, but I can't today.

I sit on the concrete ~n~ watch The Freedom Flight of the Birds, The Free~Fall of the Rain...
There is now contrast to this moment,.....wait...here it comes...
The chattering hidden humans, being the contrast to what I have just embraced.

Now the struggle within starts again to gain back the moment,
the moment so needed to hand~hold strength to move into another moment, while Mother Nature guides the Muses to path with me.
The hidden evil humans con'd to rob me of my moments I con'd to embrace.
I struggle as the "Double Jeopardy Wheel of Thoughts" spins.
Combining with the moment mixed, Nature Muses ~n~ deceitful begins, less the human beings try ~n~ rob me of my moment.
May 3 2011 Soda Soule~

(From One A Night) #8 Scale of Fear In A Balancing Act~

FEAR OF FAILURE.
FEAR OF LOSIN' MYSELF IF I DON'T TRY.
FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT.
FEAR OF NOT HAVING CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE THAT IS REAL.
FEAR OF DISTRACTION.
FEAR OF NOT EVER BEING FOCUSED AGAIN.
FEAR OF LOSIN'.
FEAR OF GAIN WITH A COST OF LOSIN'.
FEAR OF CLOSENESS.
FEAR OF JUDGEMENT.
FEAR OF COMPANY.
FEAR OF SELF INWARD ISOLATION.
FEAR OF EXPOSING THE TRUTHS.
FEAR OF CLOSURE WITH THE PRICE OF LONELINESS.
FEAR OF CONTACT.
FEAR OR BEING LIED TO.
FEAR OF A SLOW FLOW.
FEAR OF LACK OF DRIVE ~N~ MOTIVATION.
FEAR OF FREEDOM.
FEAR OF THE NEGATIVE PAST INVADING.
FEAR OF TIME.
FEAR OF IT BEING TOO FAST OR TOO SLOW.
FEAR OF A HELPIN HAND.
FEAR OF IT BEING USED AGAINST ME.
FEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKE.
FEAR MISTAKES DONE USED AGAINST ME.
FEAR OF FEARING...
FEAR THAT IT'LL CONSUME ME.
HOW TO BALANCE OUT, WHILE TEETER~TOTTERING ON THE SCALE OF FEAR IS A QUESTION LOADED WITH FEAR.
April 30 2011 Soda Soule~

(#7)

I just feel the hurt today. All day, leading into the night.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't go through it anymore.
I am not allowin you back into my Life.
When I could have needed a friend, you selfishly abandoned me becuz I couldn't do you a favor.
I was exhausted out~n~going through alot of hell.
I wasn't eating or sleeping well~n~ I was under alot of stress~n~ fear.
I never heard the phone ring or the alarm go off.
I am not an unreliable person. I have always been there for anyone who needed me. Even if I was exhausted out.
You knew what I was going through~N~ didn't care to ask me how I was.
You just yelled at me ~n~ accused me of not being a good friend.
Weeks past by ~n~ You haven't called.
If you ever do, the only thing I have to say is good~bye.
I do not want people in my Life that treat me that way.
This wasn't the first time you did this,~n~ I feel it will never be the last.
So I am nipping future hurts in the bud.
I also miss my Critters that past away, I miss them alot.
I feel so overwhelmed by the lost~n~ frustrated with everything.
Everything has been messin up or not working.
So I am just takin an ez flow, ez go night ~n~ I hope to feel less pain~n~ frustration in the Morning.~ April 29 2011 Soda Soule

(From One A Night~) #6 " Just~"

SO IF I JUST CAN'T Can I JUST BE OK WITH THE "I WON'T, I WANT, I...I...I......Eeerrrrr,
I AM JUST STUCK HERE ON JUST SPIN.
LOVE THE TOY~TOP, PRESS~N~SPIN ME WORLD, WITH ALL MY CYCLING WORLDS SPINNIN AROUND N AROUND
WITH A LYRICAL SOUND~TRAX OF CLANK ~N~ BOUNCING OFF ONE ANOTHER `N` SPIN~FALLIN DOWN..
LET'S WAIT FOR THE NEXT PRESS...
COME ON ME, PRESS, LET'S PLAY.... April 28 2011 Soda Soule

(From "One A Night~) # 5

I was out walkin the trail, when I seen what someone spray painted on the "Tower Steps" ...
"I SOAR HIGHER THEN YOU"
I felt dishearten when the words hit me.
May~be It was the mood I was in...
I had lots of people have the "EGO~TRIP, Sore Higher Then You", forever held over my head.
Then I thought, may~be it was becuz the person got consumed by ego~trippers~n~ felt a sense of empowerment by belittling the EGO~TRIPPED.
I feel it's more Empowering to SORE above both~ ~ April 27 2011 Soda Soule~

(From One A Night~)#4

IT'S BEEN SAID THE THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS~.
WHAT IF THE HEART JUST WANTS TO SIMPLY BEAT IN SECRET,SO ITS NEVER KNOWN TO BE SHYLY DAMAGED~?
IT'S BEEN SAID THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL.
WHAT IF THE EYES WANT TO REMAIN SHUT,
SO NO ONE CAN SEE THE INNOCENCE LOST ~N~ THE TRYING TO REGAIN BACK THE FEELINGS OF FIRST AWWS ~N~ WONDERS~?
IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT THE SOUL SPEAKS~.
WHAT IF IT JUST WANTS NOT TO VOICE WHAT PUMPS THROUGH THE VEINS OF BLOOD~LETTING ~N~ THE LETTING GO~?
SO WHAT OF ALL THESE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN SAID~?
HAS IT BEEN SAID FROM WITHIN THE MIND THAT ECHOES THOUGHTS OF LOST HOPES~N~DREAMS~?
HAS IT BEEN SAID FROM THE EYES' FIRST BORN SIGHT OF A WORLD IN TURMOIL~?
HAS IT BEEN SAID FROM THE INNER CHILD, WRESTLING SPIRIT VS DEMONS, WHILE THE SOUL POUNDERS ALL THAT HAS BEEN SAID AT A COST~?
THE HEART REMAINS WITHIN THE WANTING,
THE EYES WIDE~SHUT,
WHILE THE SOUL CRYS~N~ DARES NOT TO EVEN WHISPER~ April 26 2011 Soda Soule~

(FROM ONE A NIGHT...) #3

IT'S SIMPLE , I CLOSE MY EYES ~N~SEE THE VOID.
I DON'T SPEAK,
I FEEL THE SILENCE.
I TAKE A DEEP BREATH~N~EMBRACE DEFEAT.......
I STRUGGLE THERE, WITHIN THE CHAINS.~ April 25 2011 Soda Soule~

(From One a Night~) #2 "Consume me~?"

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
BUT YET YOU SAY YOU KNOW ME.
CONSUMED BY YOUR HATE FOR ME,
YOU RAPE THE SPIRIT OF CHILD THAT ALREADY LIVED IN HELL.
YOU MOCK MY STUNTED GROWTH.
YOU TELL OTHERS I AM FULL OF EXCUSES,~N~ THAT IS WHY I CAN NOT ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.
MY AWKWARDNESS STEMS FROM ABUSE.
MY REASONS ARE SIMPLE.
MY FIGHT IS GETTING HARDER,
REALITY IS AN KNOWLEDGEABLE SOUL CHILD,
SLOWLY DIEING FROM YOUR LOATHING.
I HAVE TRIED FORGIVING YOU,
BUT I CAN NOT FORGIVE AN EVIL MINDED SOUL.
YOU KNOW THE HARM THAT YOU HAVE DONE~N~ CON'D TO DO.
THE CREATOR CAN TAKE THIS WEB OF UNFORGIVNESS, ANGER,RAGE.
~N~ SHAME ~N~ GUILT, I SHOULD NOT FEEL.
~N~ JUDGE YOU FOR YOUR CRIMES.
I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU CONSUME ME~ April 24 2011 Soda Soule~

(From One A Night) .....#1

DANCE INSIDE AN EMPTY SHELL
TORN AWAY IN SILENCE
HIDDEN HANDS GUIDE THE TANGO
BETWEEN THE LIVING CHILD ~N~ THE DIEING ONE
STOP THE DANCE WITHOUT BALANCE
STAND STILL~N~UNSETTLED
WALK ONLY IN THE DARK UNNOTICED
RUN TOWARDS THE LONELY TUNNEL
BARROW DEEP BENEATH THE UNDER GROWTH
REMAIN THERE IN THE MEMORY OF THE DANCE~
APRIL 23 2011 Soda Soule~