Tuesday, September 20, 2011

OVERWHELMED ~N~ TRYN NOT TO BE STUCK HERE~

I am ventin out...I need to..even if it makes me seem like a loser...I am NOT stuck on feelin sorry for myself...I am stuck on battlin my fears while past experiences echo in my head.

I was hated ~n~ made fun of by people who didn't know me... N people who DID know me....THEY F@CKED with my head...they played a cruel game...

It messed me up so bad that I can't even listen to other peoples' music.....let alone play my own sound.... I hurt not being able to get past it...I hurt not being able to enjoy it... I feel embarrassed to admit it.... I feel scared to find out where I am at with it..

I can only listen to one song here n there, n then it makes me wanna run from my feelings.....I Battle hard not to feel.......EERRRR..... I am stuck on the in between THE WANT TO ~n~ The can't handle the over~loaded emotions..... I wish I could just find a way to heal it....But it's so damn DARK, HEAVY~N~ALONE in here......

Yeap I can play my sound in my head....but I can NEVER play them out.... N it feels like it'll always be this way..... I hate the way it feels... it feels like hell, n I am slowly dieing while the World laughs at me...

THEY made me feel belittled, a loser, a joke..... while I battle myself confidence.I hate that part of me that can't get past it. BUT I hold on to the BEAUTIFUL ways Music moves me.... but keepin it on the down~low, never to outwardly express it again....

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