Sunday, May 2, 2010

"I accept it...I accepted it all to well"

Well it's been a few nights and a day since I called 911 for help...I suffer from P.T.S.D...They we're cool with me... The woman EMS stayed with me at the hospital until my info was correctly stated...
I just need to be checked out ,, make sure my body was fine..
I just need a criss worker to soundboard so I could GET IT OUT....I had been over loaded...triggered...grieving ( I think that process is still tryin to slap me)..and My home is surround by mind-fu@ckers.,
They know I was fine...I waited for hours...chatted and joked around with others who were waitin to be seen...I was fine... Then I get my bed...This Dr comes in... I AM honest with him and then he wants to form me...I said "What ....I didn't do anything wrong" He said I had to strip down and put the hospital gown on...I told him "I can't do that.."
My P.T.S.D now works and rules over drive...but I REMAIN CALM...
The dr said if I didn't the male security offers would force me...I said " you can't do that ... I have rights."..Then I noticed a female security officer and asked her for help...and she stay with me... The brought me up to the NUT lock-up glass room...I said " I thought you guys were gonna get me some underwear"....
LOL so they did was so shook up I couldn't put them on...Latter I figured out how to. and stuck'em on my head. I wore them the whole time the two Mind-Drs talked with me...I answered them HONESTLY...THEY SAID " SORRY...sorry you went through can go home now"
And sent me home by cab... The Cabbie pulls up. I get in.. I sit down in the back seat...he looks at my netting...smiles...So I told him abit about what happened...He told me NEVER use that hospital again.. I came home feeling worse then I did before I called them..if it wasn't for a sense of humour, the kind support from the 911, EMS and the female security officer..the cabbie... a friend on FB and the hug I got from my neirbor yesterday....I'd still be spinning in a world of hell....

I really can't think... still vibrating. still shaken... so here are some older creative writings of mine........... " Soul searching,

Self divide.

Sun setting into the raising Moon.

Such a child, such a child.

Awaken yourself into another day.

Far from this one,

Far from the past.

Restful the night will be.

.Into the next,

Into the distance..."..Aug 17 2005 soda

"Angels are watching,

carry the weight,

always looking,

Hopes to find it there,

Darkness awaking,

must I sleep here,

Leave this the last resting place for my Soul.."..sept 11 2003 3:29 a.m soda
"Define the old world

with new world ways,

oppress on the arms of a thousand,

not standing an army of one,

By faith guided hands,

heaven awaits me,

Time may tire me,

fate may be surprised,

Gentle ways allures me..

Comfort from this pain...

The battle to be left this way....".sept 12 2002 soda "Can`t finished what I said,

everything left undone...

the last breaking point of survival...

a battle that must be won..."soda 2002
"Don`t criticize me, don`t judge me...You don`t know me...You don`t know me" Soda aug. 19 2005


  1. Aw girlie...I'm sorry they put you through that. Hospitals can be very insensitive. I suffer from that too... and it's probably very different from yours...but I can see how it crashes you. Lots of hugs darling... lots of them!!! xoxoxoxxoxoxooxo ;) But I do love the hat. :) Smart girl. lol

  2. LOL love ya too and love -npeace at ya ~!

  3. Hello my friend. I know you; you are my friend. I do not know you; you are my friend.
    I hope some day you will let me know you; you are my friend.~PEACE & LOVE~Deb

  4. I am your friend .. you can know me a little at a time ~! Love and Peace to ya Deb...U Rock ~!